The Roberts Family

8053 US Highway 160, Walnut Shade, MO 65771

417-561-2074

June, 2003
Dear Friends and Family,

Sometimes, when it's time to write a newsletter, it helps me to have a great event or a notable experience, to provide inspiration and get my creative juices flowing. I have been putting off writing this issue, waiting for just such an impetus. You'll be pleased to know that I received my jump-start yesterday.
I was in my office, talking on the phone, when Katie brought me a piece of notebook paper with the following message across the top: "There is a LIVE black rat snake in the cellar." Ohhhhh-kaaaaay. That really got my adrenaline pumping, so now I'm ready to write.
By the way, we can't find the snake. It was almost three feet long, stretched out on a ledge next to the extra refrigerator. We are hoping it found a mouse and exited the premises.
We've had other significant events in the past couple of months; generally none as unsettling as our dark, elegant guest. We had a short, but wonderful visit with Scott's mom in April. A few weeks prior to her arrival, Scott had decided to grow a beard. It is salt and pepper and makes him look very distinguished. His mom walked in the door and the very first words out of her mouth were, "WHAT are you growing?!?!" Pretty funny! Andrew may have equaled that with his summary descriptions of his two grandmas: "This grandma has white hair, and the other grandma wears little shoes." Both assertions were true, and now we know what really leaves an impression on three-year-olds.
To have some family fun, we went canoeing with Grandma. I must say that she is one spunky lady. Seven of us in two canoes was a bit of a challenge, but Grandma was up for it. She and her crew did tip a couple of times, but I don't think there were any serious injuries. Scott also decided to take the video camera, against my advice. To his credit, he kept the camera dry and we got some great footage of Grandma and our gang.
We took a family vacation in May to Niagara Falls, Washington, D.C, and Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. I could write a book, but here's the Reader's Digest Condensed Version.
Seventeen hours is too long to travel in one jam-packed van with six passengers. The first time, you can chalk it up to ignorance and over-ambitious planning. The second time, particularly on the same trip, it's your own dumb fault. Traveling under a car-top carrier patched with duct tape makes you look like the Beverly Hillbillies. Some three-year-olds never stop talking. Always take more long clothes than you can possibly use. If you visit a tourist destination during a SARS outbreak, the lines for all the attractions are quite short. Niagara Falls is pretty close to Toronto. You can pay big bucks for great Niagara Falls experiences, but the best things in life are free. Everyone should watch the rainbow spotlights from the Canadian side at 9:00 PM.
Washington, D.C.'s new official slogan is, "The City that Never Sits Down." There is only one exception to this rule, and that occurs in a bathroom stall. You cannot enter any building in Washington, D.C. without first passing through a metal detector and having your purse and pockets searched. Everything must come out. Everything. A nine-year old will not be allowed to ascend the Washington Monument if he happens to have a Niagara Falls souvenir pocket knife in his belt bag. Always take more long clothes than you can possibly use. Three-year-olds tend to whine in museums, especially when they skip their afternoon naps and consistently stay up till 9:30 PM. There are a lot of museums in Washington, D.C. The best way to tour a museum is with a docent and without a three-year-old. It is possible to lose a family member in the D.C. subway system. God is still merciful and watches over His own. Subway reunions are especially poignant. To go anywhere in Washington, you must walk. You must walk a long distance, for a long time, frequently in the rain, so that you can wait in a line and be searched. The Capitol rotunda is beautiful, but not beautiful enough to warrant what is required to see it. Interior rotunda pictures don't turn out as well as exterior dome pictures. It is possible to lose track of time in any Smithsonian museum. This phenomenon is most pronounced if you are older than eleven and perusing the American History museum, but only if it is your shift without a three-year-old. On the contrary, if it is your shift with a three-year-old, you will always be early for rendezvous time. There are more buttons in the Air and Space Museum than in any other. Three-year-olds know this because they press them all, over and over and over again. You don't want to go to the National Archives. If you try to, you will never live it down. To get to the National Zoo requires a walk that you don't want to take. It is uphill from the subway station, and on Monday afternoons, it is uphill back to the subway station, too. This is an inexplicable scientific effect that occurs in close conjunction with four-story subway escalators. There is never a time that there is not a school group wherever you are going. They are everywhere you want to be, on any day or night of the week. This is a proven fact.
Gettysburg may be more interesting than Johnstown, but there are many less tourists at Johnstown, particularly on cold, rainy days. Always take more long clothes than you can possibly use. Never leave your best umbrella in the Library of Congress bathroom, even if you only went in to sit down and get warm.
You can't get to northwest Pittsburgh from the east side of town. There are too many bridges and tunnels in Pittsburgh, but fortunately one or more of them is always closed. The Carnegie Sports Museum and the Carnegie Science Center are both wonderful. So are generous relatives who lend your family of six their season passes to both venues. If you leave at the first rain delay in a major league baseball game, you may get home in time to watch the rest of it in the comfort of a dry living room.
It is overkill to host two birthday parties on the same day. It is insane to do so the day after you get home from a major trip. The kids have fun, anyway. Exhaustion makes you sleep well.
I will close this edition by telling you that our beautiful Katie turned 13, and it was good. A few days later, Andrew turned four, and a few days after that, Scott took the training wheels off his bike. The young child rode a mile down a dirt road with the big kids and fell off at the end. They turned him around and put him back on, and he rode the mile back home! I have since taught him how to stop without crashing, and by the next newsletter (hopefully much sooner than that) he will be able to get started on his own. Riding a bike is a lot like life.

Much love to each of you,

Scott, Patty, Katie, Jessica, Josiah, and Andrew